Indian Midgets Rock..and apparently they rap!

Watch . hilarity.

HUH?!............

Could this be called when people attack?

Apparently this man was so drunk that he figured he could bite a Panda ( that was apparently minding its own business in the zoo, twirpin on bamboo), for biting him in the first place. I mean, damn, who is the panda for biting this man that just wants to pet him, right?! See here in lies the problems with public drunken disorderliness. I have to go out on a limb and say this dood was on crank, not booze. I've been drunk many a times and I've never been tempted to pet a wild animal in the zoo. Frankly the fact that he was drunk and in the zoo is mind boggling? Who took this idiot's ticket? Didn't they smell it on 'em. No. You wanna know why? Cuz he was high, not drunk. The damn chinese government always trying to spin shit to make them look pristine.

Ted Turner FOR President

http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/09/20/turner.reut/index.html Ted Turner is the muthafuckin' man. No wonder he's a millionaire du jour! Read the article above. He says," 'Men should be barred from public office' One way to reduce such dangers in the world would be to leave women in charge, said the former husband of Jane Fonda. "Men should be barred from public office for 100 years in every part of the world. ... It would be a much kinder, gentler, more intelligently run world. The men have had millions of years where we've been running things. We've screwed it up hopelessly. Let's give it to the women." Commen sense in a man makes me horny. Not that women would do it any better, but at least he admits that shits amiss in war/politics today. Perhaps women would get it done differently and with a lot more class, but remember Marie Antoinette was a sadistic bitch in charge back in the day. I'm sure her love of torturing her handmaidens didn't do much to endear her to her public either.

Chavez needs to sit the fuck down

Umm Who goes around calling their co-workers devils? The newly unemployed, that's who. If I was a a citizen of Venezuela I think it'd be time for yet another coup for 2006. I mean I don't want anyone that feels it's ok to call the US president (no matter how fucking crazy he is) lucifer, the prince of darkness. It doesn't sit well for disaster relief. I mean think about if the Tsunami victim's HNIC started callin Bush a devil, they'd be fucked for real. We wouldn't send a dime over there. You know they don't have no oil!

If someone stole my Ipod....

....they would never be able to figure out that I was a black chick. But then again with music blurring the lines these days I think everyone's Ipod is coolly eclectic. So to my people wondering what the hell fuels such a demented mind, this is what I'm listening to currently: Justin Timberlake's new CD is pretty good. John Mayer's CD is hot, like I have yet to take it out the TT. Corinne Bailey Rae is a great CD The Pussy Cat Dolls (honestly is terrible except for two songs), but I'm listening to them too. Nickelback , Tchaichozky ( i know its misspelled, Phil. Can it) and Linkin Park - especially when i'm in a hohum mood. Which brings me to this point. My playlist has officially got my Black Card revoked. Maybe i would listen to more black artists if they put out some music worth a damn. All the people listed above , I bought their CDs. Umm for the one hit wonders I stumble upon lookin at VH1 in the AM I'm downloading your shit for sure. AKA Pharrell and Kanye. I love that song, " #1 smash hit", But do i plan on dropping 15.95 for it or downloading it from a site that I can't burn it to a CD? Oh hell no. I highly suggest you all put together six more relevant songs and I MAY buy your CD. I swear the record industry is daft on this one. I mean seriously I have 1000 CDs that I bought prior to downloading Napster that I only listen to 1 song on it. I think that covers my lifetime of contributing to the pockets of record execs that KNOW they are putting out steam shit for the masses. Remember Black Rob, Whoa? The rest of that CD made me miscarry a child, or how about Barenaked Ladies? Shenanigans people. Don't feel bad about downloading a song or two. You've eaned the right over the years, trust me. But if a great artist comes out with some fire, I highly suggest you support their efforts. That is all.

Fuck little kids and holding doors for ungrateful white people.

Seriously , fuck ‘em. Now let me clarify, because I don’t want you all to think that I disapprove of the midgets all together, but these little fucktards running around the ATL lately are bad as hell. But the worse part is they are bad in FRONT of their parents. Why just the other day I was at the mall with my friends and on our way out, these White folks were coming thorugh one set of doors, and the bad ass little kids were zig- zaggin’ through the rest of them. So Me, my man The Mayor, Brooklyn and Gemini were going through the doors, when the little demon boy damn near clips Gemini, while she’s holding the door for their parents. So I expected for the kid to keep running like the little retard he was, but when the parents and grandparents made it past the first door without A. saying “thank you” or “ pardon little billy” to The Mayor for holding it open and B. Telling their hellions to knock it off. I yanked Gemini’s hand off the handle of the inner door, causing it to smack the next little monster back a few feet and yelled out, “ fuck a kid and their rude ass parents.” To which my clique erupts into laughter. I frankly could care less about what the cracka ass cracka white folks thought because frankly they were out of line. This is something that STRAIGHT UP only comes from white people. I’ve yet to met any one else other that the Indian Taliban types that expect for you to hold the door for them without acknowledgement. I mean I’m wearing Brooks Brothers too, what do I look like I’m supposed to hold the door for you? The men are WAAAY worse than the women too. I don’t know if it’s preoccupation, but eventually it seems fairly hardf to believe that an entire generation of white people doesn’t believe in saying thanks, for something so totally simple. Think of how many times someone getting the door for you has saved your ass. Now think of all the time you said thanks. I never miss an opportunity to do something so simply polite, so I have no sympathy for slack asses that do. So I’ve made up a new game, called smack cracker. It usually involves the businessmen at the AFC and middle age moms that have no control over their kids at the mall, target etc. (You get the most points at the double entry mall doors though). If you walk through the door and the people that you hold it for don’t thank you, Let that shit go when they are least expecting you to. Let everything they are carrying fall, crack their kids skull, break blackberrys and stop a prune face muthafuckin from EVER doing it again. Submit your score here for a prize…I’m paying. This shit has got to stop. White people I mplore you to rethink this insensitive shit, before there is a door slammin’ rebellion. BUT black kids ain’t no betta! Kids are the bane of my existence. This big autistic retarded 2 year old knocked my ass unconscious during some work sports being an untrained little animal. But I’m not the only one that feels this little wildebeest is a menace to society. As a matter of fact, Brooklyn, is a small business owner for a n Apothecary and Salon in Atlanta. She caters or shall I say catered to the mother of the retarded boy up until recently. One day the ole’ stank momma bought the wildebeest to the Shop with her , while she got her ‘do done. My pet monster proceeds to run a Tonka truck up her designer walls, growl and screech at the other patrons. To this scenario I say shenanigans. Keep retarded kids at home, seriously. Don’t give people the opportunity to clown them, cause they will, even at the risk of having their unborn kids turn out like golems.

Pirates are not cute they are gully bastards.

Pirates are awesome staples in history. They are the quintessential bad-asses. They boat jacked people, think about that. Imagine yourself out to sea, right (close your eyes, dumbass ok open them so you can read this stupid). OK, so the boat is swaying, there's no land in sight, the sun is out and your crew mates are around you just stankin, spittin,drankin and cussin' (aka chillin') right...when all of a hoo you spot a boat flying no colors headin' in your direction. This scenario is gully for a ton of reasons, namely that you see these bastards coming hours off. It's not like modern day pirates (and I swear they still exist), where a motor is attached to their ship, nah it's thirty bastards oaring hard as hell to get you got. Their sole focus is to kill and plunder your boat. And to be real honest with you, they are prolly gonna get you since they took the time to track you. So back what we were doing...So you see them coming a few ways off and immediately your boys start preparing for a brawl. Reason number two why this is all extra gully...it's not like you are unarmed either, so they are ready to bang. Remember I didn't say you were a mormon, although I must admit that would be a pretty kick ass porno, BANG SHIP: The BOARDING (it would feature Nigga Know's favorite pornstar, Kobe Tai and Mine, Mr. Marcus, but anyhoo) nor did I say you were just gonna sit there and be slain without a fight. No, they EXPECT they will be wounded, I mean damn most rogue captain are missin an arm and a leg any fuckin' way. So, they come with the real and mosey this big ass ship next to yours and commence to hopping over rails and shit to get your booty (loot, fags. Ya'll nasty). So your dudes are fighting like it's do or die against these pirates, right?! And you all just happened to lose (hmmm..the odds were against you anyway. You should have been a pirate). The pirates hoist yo dead ass overboard and split up so the chief pirate that lost a leg in this battle can take your ship and keep it moving to the next episode.... Puff Daddy needs to be boat jacked. Ok, I got waaaayyy too much free time today. I'm going to go read a book. Peace out.

Totally Outta Control! Parts 1 and 2.

I HAVE SOME ANNOUNCEMENTS TO MAKE:

The first one is most important, cuz that's just how lists work... My bad to everyone that made comments. I love em like Bobby Brown like Superhead! Soo when I say I didn't know I had to moderate my comments please don't think I'm a dipshit, cuz I really ain't. Keep em coming. 2 ( another apology to folks, cuz umm...well just accept them they don't come often, bitches): I am in the process of relocating so I haven't been bloggin like I should. Rest assured that that will change as of three ...two...one..done. 3 ( probably the real source of my recent unpopularity off the web) I am putting down the 360 controller and burying my copy of Oblivion( but not GRAW). Please stop shunning me Don, I love you.

Part 1 : Football Season.

I need to start filming a new documentary called muthafuckin' men gone muthafuckin wild. I'm sure I don't have to tell you all the football season has decscended on the planet and NOTHING is getting done during monday nights and sundays. nothing. Ain't no grass getting mowed, ain't no shelves gettin' hung and gargabe ain't going nowhere. This is fuckin' ridiculous. The fellas at the office are openly betting on games, having fantasy football meetings in the boardroom WITH senior managment presiding and hotwings are getting passed around like intoeroffice memos at like 10:30 in the morning. Come on now, this is just nuts. It's almost as bad as the "24" rundowns about ole unbelivable ass Jack Bauer kickin the habit in 24 hours. This shit has got to stop. I was in the middle of fitness boot camp sunday( i told you all I'm hot) when at 1:15 the instructor just walks off the field. Stunned us chicks were like, " where you going?" He said," Home. I gotta take a shit befor kick-off." Done.

Part 2. 360 is SATAN'S ultimate tool against humanity

Before i get to dissing football too much, just let me say, I have my own crack addiction, and big phil is the pusher. I can't stop playing Oblivion and Ghost Recon. Seriously. I have my daddy eating hotdogs and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches so I can get the full six hours in. 3 on GRAW and 3 on Elder Scrolls. I don't go out anymore cause I have to do more important shit to do, like save the mexcican president and levelin' up my High Elf. I can't be concerned with shit like cookin' and passin' out medication. Besides Insulin is overated, my elf can concoct a potion for that with some primrose and ogre's teeth and should my dad actually pass out I got three bad ass rangers that can patch him up under fire and under thirty seconds in the field with a ink pen. Though for a while I had stopped bathing and eating, I figured out a way to do both while playing, so I've actually put back on the much needed weight. But to add fuel to my time managemtn problem, big Phil decided to send me an extra controller, 2 rechargers for said controllers and a brand new copy of Quake. Clearly he has no interest in bedding me, because I don't know when I'll actually have time to fuck. fine.