Guilty Pleasures

Guilty Pleasures....Oh man, I have the house to myself and I'm acting a staight up fool! I dropped my dad off at the hospital to volunteer and Phil is at work, so I'm free, I said I's FREE!

Ok, so first off, I have yet to brush my teeth, I know that's gross, but hey it's just me here. I looked at some porn, got off and then played Karoke Revolution for two hours straight, buck nekkid! Whoo hoo. I read some in the middle of my unmade bed while bumpin' Britney Spears greatest hits ( I put Outrageous on Loop too..Ooooo) and all while eating out of the bag of Sun Chips, Cheddar babay. I'm going to go take a bath til 2,too. I just had to share for a hot second. I'm going to brush my teeth, cynics. It was just lovely rollin' out of the bed though with no one but the Pets to look on in utter disdain!

CyA

Racism and the Internet - Family Life Update

It seems like the Internet is the world's superhighway for perverts and racists. Nothing travels throughout the planet faster than hate and on the internet it travels like a nuclear bomb. It's saddening how quick people are to spit venom, people that rarely ever comment on websites all of a sudden become outspoken proponents for spewing vicious shit without ever really revealing themselves. It's easy to be a biggot behind a key board or to attack people that put their thoughts out there. Super easy when in fact, the author under fire has at least come to terms with reconciling race issues by expressing them for creative discussion in their own dialogue. Since i got here to Mexico, because El Paso = Mexico, I haven't blogged much because the air of outright racial devide here is ridiculous. Then my only real link to people, the internet, is about as bad as the homogenous atmosphere where Spanish is the national language. It's sad and the bad part is the wretched names aren't the real issue. The real issue is the lack of respect for breathing, bleeding human beings. In a time when there is no such thing as a pure blood anybody people waste precious breath and energy on hating someone because of the presence or lack of melanine in their skin. Biggots should burn crosses without bothering other people. It's acknowledged by anyone with a functioning brain that racism is alive and effects everyone. I feel for you if you haven't figured that out. But it almost like being around a smoker and you don't...please do that shit elsewhere. We know you smoke, you aren't fooling anyone, but for the sake of not getting that shit in my clothes and in my hair, please go outside. I know some of my coworkers could care less for blacks in the office...so stay yo ass in your cube and simmer quietly.Every office has an angry black man...take that shit to the gym and sweat it out. Don't like Arabs after 911, please vent to yo mama, not me or my blog. I make use of some crazy and proabaly derogative slang, but I have yet to write anything in hate and that what seperates a social commentor from a racist. Here's a pretty good indicator that you're a racist. If you don't have more than 5 different ethnicly different friends, because of you intolerance for their differences, then you qualify. If you snap like Seinfeld's boy at hecklers, using the slur of their race and hurtful history with real feeling behind it, then you're a racist. If you decide the first time that you will respond to someone's written thoughts is to something that gives rise to your hate..then you buddy are a racist. Too bad bigots don't have a sense of humor, and that a bigot of any race. If you are offended, then you're a bigot. We're all bigots in our own way. The important thing to remember is that while generalized bigotry is understandable, Pray that when you are face to face with another human being that you realize and act upon your humanity, not your color biases. But that's all that I'm saying on the ugly ass issue. El Paso update for anyone that looks or gives a good god damn.... I'm beginning to develop a deep dislike for this cat. My Mischief is catching hell from this fucking feline. She runs the house and we get the privledge of feeding, ducking and entertaining this bitch. My already mannish looking hands have some scars that I'll be stuck with til I die, thanks to Omega and my stomach has a ugly dark scar from her too. No more bikinis for me for a good decade til it fades. Never fear though for all newlyweds with pets and shit, if you are on the end in which you are sustaining damage from a sharp clawed untrained stinking beast, smile and chuck it up. The beast has the support of the inlaws. You don't. Just pray it dies faster than you.

Guilty as Charged

I have a new fetish ...well it's still gaming but it's Gears of War specifically now. Being that I'm an unemployed house tramp now, I get to hang out with equal losers on 360 gaming all day long. Why is this you ask? Because I am far to muthafuckin cool for these symps in El Paso. Take for example, the fact that I still get glammed up to go grocery shopping and to literally walk around the house sippin' mimosas at 10:30 AM. So, anyhoo....I'm into Gears of War like it pays. This game features the ability to go through the game in Campaign Mode with an online buddy. THe coolest part is you pick up wherever you ( as in yourself, you), left off with anyone on the internet. LOVES IT!!! I ran through the game with my little dude, Minicheiftain and then with my husband Phil. I am rocking out with these achievement points too. Shouts out yet again to Mini Me for the 1/3 COG tags.

All Relaxers are not Created Equal

On a personal note, since I have no one to share this with other than big phil, I'm going to share this with my net family. I had to concede and let someone relax my locks recently. I am still sensitive from the greasy rundown that was my head when I left this little shop of horrors. I should have went running when I saw that I was the ONLY patron in the whole place AND this lady was locking up after I left, HOSTEL style. I just knew I was going to wake up sans a kidney in a tub of cold water. What went down was considerably worse though. We went through the obligatory stylist to customer talk, such as what products do you use in your head, etc. I said Phyto Specific and she was like , Who is Feeto, I ain't neva heard of that... Chance number two to bounce. When I I tell you all I could have did this in the bath tub and the results would have been better, please don't take that lightly. THis place was scary, nothing like my lovely posh haven of hip, Beauty Fetish. SHe had six boutiques and none of them were in real working condition. Like the chairs was on the pole crooked in one, glass was broke in the mirror in the other and so on. But the real issue was HER. She looked like (and turned out to be too) a church ursher -not usher, ursher_ at a COGIC church. Yep. I got hosed Davey I got hosed. She said she was giving me a mizani relaxer, but I didn't see one Mizani bottle in there that wasn't from their 1985 promotions. I mean i was ready to bounce if Phil hadn't dropped my ass offf in the Barrio of El Paso. She was a good 255lbs in a moo moo and had more gel in her hair than in her vintage styling bottles. Pray for me ya'll. Anyway she tops off this ethnic experience by dumping grease, gel and spritz in my head to create in her eyes a classy do for a classy girl.

Now I can go audition for Soul Glow commercials and make grease spots on unsuspecting upholstery.

S.O.S

***Adriane and Sharunda I need you, please clear a spot for me when I come to Atlanta for the holidays*** Still stranded in the hear of nowhere..... Princess

Apparently...

I see no has any interest in hearing the outcome of part one, so we'll just keep it moving, because I hate drama. So I'll just share my cool new experiences in the wild wild ass west. I love the serenity that comes with looking at mountains and sky, I love it. Initially I thought I would die out here, now I know I'll just become another texas hick. Don't get me wrong though. All sorts of fab has come out of the lone star state. Beyonce ( though I can't stand the way she talks, kinda like a retarded kid. Really), Steak (I pity the cows here), the Texas Whopper (Burger King had to capitalize on that) and . President Bush is the biggest exception, and while I still can't fathom how the retards here float to the top of all the other coolness I'm going to let that stream of consciousness go. WELLLL....as you may imagine there are lots and lots of Mexicans. So many that I feel like an outsider in my own country speaking on English an French. I suspected that I'd have to learn Spanish but now I know those silly middle school decisions may have actually held some weight. IF I had chosen that wretched Spanish class with all the other slight skewed kids in line, featuring Carlos Lopez (the Extra Mexican professor that you could barely understand as he bellowed at you when your weren’t in his class), I would currently be able to communicate with my maid. Then again its kinda good that I can't because I hate holding those precious moment conversations, on the real. I like it that she shows the fuck up , cleans and bounces. I also always request silence at my spa appointments too! Shouts out to Key Lime Pie and Spa Sydell in Atlanta. The Aveda spa out here is chock full of some truly talentless people. I had a massage that I couldn't WAIT for it to be over with. The room was cold and the technician wore gloves? WTF? Black folks ain't that rare out here that she could possibly have that "colored people are dirty" mentality. Needless to say AVOID the AVEDA day spa on SUNLAND PARK ROAD, SHOULD YOU WIND UP IN THE MIDDLE OF FUCKING NOWHERE. Well, this was a rather random post. Peace out.

UnPackin' in ElPaso

I'm coming with part two of the epic mini-saga that was my husband's return to the States. I'm in the process of unpacking and merging to lifestyles into one crib. The husband is still alive and I still don't have a rap sheet at any law enforcememnt agency so...that's progress. Chi Chi, I'm going to call you I promise. Some how I find and lose my cell phone on an epic scale in this mess of boxes and newspaper. My husband has more SHIT ( and admittedly I do too) than one person should ever be allowed to cary from state to state. Should be like a pound limitation. Quick updates: My Dad loves it here. I think all the mountain and sky are awesome for him! The Dog and the cat ain't friends yet. The snakes are snakes and still locked up. I am not knocked up, and don't plan for it anytime soon (I think parenthood robs you of a sense of humor). I mean on the real you can't laugh at kids no matter how funny their fuck ups are if you want to rule your domain right. Uhh.. really that's about all. Peace out and Part two is coming....

Where in the Sam Hell Are You Now?

I know you all miss the shit out of me, and I kinda miss you none commenting people too ;-). J.k. But I am proud to tell you all that my soldier is back home, and while we haven’t ripped the space time continuum fucking like we anticipated, we are now at a good spot in our migration to the middle of fucking nowhere. Well, this extended weekend was an absolute bust with sour cream and chives on it. Let me begin with the beginning of the bad fiasco that welcoming Phillip home turned out to be. I left ATL Thursday morning to surprise Phillip ( cuz he didn’t expect me to be there) and when I got in went straight to the new house to look at it. The first thing that struck me was how fucking filthy the carpet was, right? Ummm…think three 2-3year olds, a can of soda, kool-aid, ketchup and triflin’ parents ( umm they were the Woos, according to city records). I’m debating finding their nasty asses and slapping the shit out of them for the hot garbage they left behind. So I get my landlord Tim on the phone and he directs me to THE SHADIEST LATINO ON THE PLANET. I don’t want to credit anyone’s race mistakenly for this grimy bastard. So Carlos (the shady bastard) gets a carpet cleaning company out there Saturday. In the meantime, I lockup cuz I was too grossed out to continue looking around and I swear I saw roach kids on the floor. So I take the show to the motel where I check in and get comfy for a sec. I then decided I was starving so I go to Applebees to grab something right quick and a drink ( a woeful glimpse of things to come in the new city). So I sit there a good five minutes, make eye contact with the bartender and this skank serves like 9 people without so much as cleaning off the filth that was left on the counter in front of me. So I flag down a server, place and order and grimace at how I should’ve just grabbed my TOGO and gone. But whatever, the bartender swings by after the server makes her feel rather shitty about leaving out the token black chick and come to clear out the mess. By this time my TOGO order is ready and I’m real pissy cuz I STILL DON’T have a drink. Anyway I get this weak red shit, drink it up and bounce with no tip to the shoddy barkeep. Day two: I wake up and get sexy quick. All said I’m in a great mood cuz I;m going to get my soldier and the house problem is under control. My first stop is the bakery, and it’s a cool old school German style one, complete with none English speaking old ladies that are baking they asses off. I go in and get the last vanilla cake (the husband isn’t a huge fan of many cake flavors) and get “ Happy Belated Birthday Phil” on it. Since it was like 11AM and I wasn’t due go to the airport and its 1000 degrees outside, I tell her take her time with the lettering I’ll be back. At 1PM. I leave find the liquor store and as I’m picking out some drank, my cell phone goes off and it’s my ATL homebase telling me my dad had a seizure and is on the way you the hospital. I was worried, but I called my friend Aldwin that agreed to watch him for me ( with is usually ridiculously low maintenance), and he tells me he can’t leave work. Umm…wtf? Ok I call my back Tia and she’s on the way, but I have to spend nearly an hour and a half with the nurses and doctors (who were horrible btw) and get that shit in order on a temp basis. I get the liquor, and go back for the cake. I picked it up and was in a rush now so I just take it to the car without looking at it. That was until the lid opened and I see it’s a black forrest cake that 2X the size that I need and says “ Happy birthday Bill”. WTF for real now. I gather it up and take it back like what is this? These none English speaking fucks gave my cake away to someone that was obviously in a bigger rush that I was since they left with a cake for 4 people (the smallest size) in lieu of this monster bake shit I had. Long Story short, she asks me if I can just pick off the name. I didn’t throw it at her, but after explaining to her in as many as 10 expletives in a sentence in under two minutes, I eventually had AT LEAST Happy Birthday Phil on this cake. Ok so on to the airport in stuff. I arrive and meet the other EOD mamas, which was cool. UNTIL Melissa tells me that her husband told her that Phil’s mom told him that I was here. I instantly started to like my in laws a lot less ( gotta tell you all the neal story someday). So now I’m genuinely in a FOUL FUCKING MOOD. So the guys show up, Phil is like all extra what every and I’m neither swept off my feet, nor swept up in the tide of emotion I was prepared for, we just grabbed the bags and kept it moving. The rest was equally blah since I spent the whole night on the phone with the hospital and with others just trying to get my dad in a good spot. I was so not horny it was like ridiculous, especially considering I had 7 months to plan the insanely dirty stuff I was going to do to him. Stuff like this saps the horniness right out of ya....... Now that I look at this, this is gonna take a few Parts, So consider this part 1 and I’ll fill you in in a minute on the rest. Well tomorrow is Day Three: The beginning of the bitter end.

Indian Midgets Rock..and apparently they rap!

Watch . hilarity.